Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
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