Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
Randomize
