Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
