So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
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