Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
she peed on how many people?
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Randomize
