As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Randomize
