You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
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