We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
did i just pee glitter
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
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