I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
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