i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
Randomize
