Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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