if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
Randomize
