I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
