SEEEEXXX PLEASE
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Randomize
