And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Randomize
