then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
Randomize