I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
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