You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
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