Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
