I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
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