ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
Randomize
