so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
sex in a hospital.. check
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize
