What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
I smell stomach acid.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
i believe in u and ur pee
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
Randomize
