i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
I touched a dick in church today
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
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