it wasn't lemon gatorade
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
Randomize