the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
Randomize
