Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
