How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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