I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
Randomize
