So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
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