Betty ford says i'm here all night
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
Randomize
