im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
