Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
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