Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Randomize
