I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
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