So gin and wine won't be happening again
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
Randomize
