I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
i've created a new STD.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Randomize
