I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
