I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Randomize