Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
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