i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
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