Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
Randomize
