4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
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