all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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