I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
Randomize
