How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
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