I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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