My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
