well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Randomize
