so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
Randomize
