Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
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