Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize