I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
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