Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
Randomize
