My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
I fill condoms, not promises.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
as a side note pls kill me
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Randomize
