i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
