so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
