it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
Randomize
