seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
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