My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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