so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Randomize
