well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Randomize
