he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
