Sponge bath it is.
It's Friday. Sex?
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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