Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
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