It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Randomize
