It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Randomize