Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
