I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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