i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
