From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
