I'm going to jail i love you
you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
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