I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
Randomize
