i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
