I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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