What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
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