do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
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