Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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