woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize
