i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
