i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize