i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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