Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Randomize
