my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
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