I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
