You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
