I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
my god I love twenty year old dicks
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Randomize
