What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
Randomize
