I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
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