He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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