jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
operation have a gay friend backfired
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
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