"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
