And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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