I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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