We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
