also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
