i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
Vodka?
Forever.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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