jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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