If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Randomize
