Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
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