Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
Randomize
