ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize
