Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
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