community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
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